


Stitches and Bandaids

by rainwrites



Series: The Little Things [8]
Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-26
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainwrites/pseuds/rainwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joonmyun and Sunyoung try to cope after the breakup. [Suho/Luna]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stitches and Bandaids

He exhales slowly, brown orbs gazing pensively outside through the small window of their room. The moon is set high in the sky, in the right position to cast a light of its own at him and the book in his hand.

Lying on the wooden desk, a couple of books are scattered, and Joonmyun is lost in his thoughts, the book he has chosen to read forgotten for a moment.

He yawns, not bothering to cover his mouth as he stands up and heads outside, closing the doors behind him quietly. He doesn’t want to wake anyone up but he needs some fresh air after everything that has been happening in his life for the past few months.

As he settles just outside the dorm, he lets out a soft breath at the perfect night scenery. He looks back at the moon. It is full, shining brightly in the night sky.

_Luna._

It doesn’t matter how much he tries to escape his feelings— he cannot escape her. He is kept up every night, every bit of time spent on her, on his thoughts of her.

He knows he can never forget her—her smile, her voice, her image engraved permanently in his mind. Her eyes that make his heart flutter or her laughter that keeps ringing in his ears. It hurts sometimes just to think about her.

_“Hyung?”_

He starts when he hears a voice behind him, and he spins around to see Kyungsoo walking towards him. His face looks somber, but his eyes are full of concern.

“Why are you still awake?” Kyungsoo asks, a yawn escaping his lips, and Joonmyun sighs in response. The latter keeps quiet, pondering if he should talk to him about his troubles, but he tells himself a leader shouldn’t bother his members.

“I’m really worried,” the younger boy says again, “whatever it is on your mind, you know you can share it with me, right, _hyung?_ ”

“I’m fine, really,” Joonmyun says, trying but failing to smile a reassuring smile, and Kyungsoo places a hand on his shoulder. The pressure of his hand against his shoulder comforts him, and he reaches up to hold it. “I’m sorry to worry you like this.”

“Is this about Sunyoung?” he asks a few moments later, catching the older boy looking thoughtfully at the moon, and Joonmyun, despite being a bit hesitant at first, nods despondently. A bitter smile appears at the corner of his mouth, eyes remaining distant and filled with unshed tears.

“It’s alright if you miss her.”

Joonmyun is surprised at the other boy’s words, and before he can say anything Kyungsoo adds, “I…  _we_  miss her, too. Not anywhere as much as you do, but still, we…”

He stops himself, unsure of what he’s trying to say, but Joonmyun understands. Sunyoung has always been so kind to them, and her constant presence within their group when they were together is something one does not simply forget. When she left, every one has been devastated. The loss is different, but that doesn’t make it any less important.

“I understand.”           

Truly, he misses her, longs for her. How can he just let her slip away?

Even now, a few months later, he still remembers it clearly—that night, when she has broken up with him. He relieves that moment in his head, desperately trying to make sense of it.

 _‘Please be happy’_ is what she has left him with. Did the past few months, spent working himself to the bone before and after debut, going from one schedule to the next like some robot, qualify as being happy?

He doesn’t think so. Because without her he doesn’t think he’ll ever be as happy.

Now if only she wants to be with him, too…

“We were supposed to fight. For her and for me. For  _us_.” Joonmyun says as the other listens carefully, “But it seems like she has given up before we even tried.”

_Are we really not worth fighting for, Sunyoung?_

They lapse into silence for a while, before Kyungsoo breaks it, his voice soft.

“She probably has her reasons. But you know what, if there are two people who truly deserved each other, it’s the two of you. You’re both good people, probably the best I know. And you’ve been through so much. Both of you deserve to be happy. Personally, I think that being together is the best way to get that.”           

With that, Kyungsoo grasps his shoulder once more— an encouraging and sympathetic touch— before heading towards the bedroom and leaving the older boy to his thoughts.

“Go to sleep,  _hyung_. It’s late. Good night.”

 

* * *

 

She is lying on her bed, brown eyes glued to the glow-in-the-dark star-stickers stuck on the ceiling, her breathing deep and steady in the darkness of the room.

Midnight has long since come and passed, and yet sleep just won’t come. Her head is spinning, her thoughts wandering continuously in circles, back and forth, as she thinks about everything and nothing at the same time.

Somewhere in the middle, she thinks of him. He’s inescapable, she realizes.

Truth be told, she misses him. She longs to see him, be with him again. But haven’t they made it clear that they would just stay as friends? For goodness’ sake, she has been the one who suggested it. And hasn't he been ignoring her ever since the breakup?

Seeing him these days is like opening a wound—ripping off the scab of a gradually recovering gash, making her start the healing process all over again. It would be so much more convenient if they’re not to see each other, but she knows it’s impossible.

Just a week ago she has seen him in one of the company’s practice rooms, and she’s incredibly concerned about him. He has grown awfully thinner, and without makeup his face looks ghostly pale, the circles under his eyes seem to be growing by the day.

The worst part of it is that she knows why, which is a bitter pill to swallow.

And she isn’t much better off herself either— she’s a wreck, her members constantly reminding her to eat or sleep enough. She remembers how she has cried those nights long ago, locking herself in her room whenever they had free time. She has drowned the overwhelming sadness away with tears until all that was left in her was a lonely yearning.

She closes her eyes, trying hard not to think about that one night at the park, about the warmth his arms provided then and the sweet taste of his lips.

She grimaces and shifts in her bed, and she freezes when she feels movement from below the bunk bed she shares with Jinri.

“ _Unnie?”_  Jinri whispers from below. She doesn’t respond, closes her eyes instead and pretends she’s asleep. As much as she wants to just let it all out and let someone comfort her, she doesn’t want to worry her members any longer, nor does she want to burden them with her foolish love life issues.

But then she feels Jinri move once more, the rustle of the blankets the only sound in the room as she gets off her bed. And then she hears the familiar click of the light switch and light floods the room while Jinri gently shakes her.

“I know you’re awake,  _unnie_. Let’s talk about it _._ ”

The tender tone of the younger’s voice just about breaks down her defenses, and she opens her eyes, looking at Jinri’s soft, understanding ones. She nods. A tear escapes from her eye, sliding down her cheek, and the other wipes it away with her thumb before climbing the steps to her bed and enveloping her in a hug.

They are silent for a few moments, staying locked in each other’s embrace, as Sunyoung allows the younger girl to comfort her in her arms.

“I thought it was the best thing to do,” she confesses a couple of beats later, “but why does it… hurt so much?”

The two of them are now lying on her bed, side by side, as Jinri twines her fingers with hers. She gives her hand a gentle squeeze and speaks softly, “Why don’t you talk to him?”

“But what’s the use, really? He doesn’t seem to care anymore…”

Tears burn at the back of her eyes once again as memories flood her— the pain of watching him walk away from her, the sting of his words— and Sunyoung bites her lip to stop herself from crying.

He has walked away from her, leaving her in the middle of the park as she sinks to the ground in a pool of tears, pondering if what she did was truly the right thing to do.

“It’s all over…” she trails off, allowing for a long moment of quiet.

“Listen to me,” the younger girl urges after a while, “think of the happiest days in your life. Who is the person that appears in them?”

Sunyoung doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to, because they both know the answer to her question.

Being with Kim Joonmyun has been the best six months of her life. She has never felt so happy with anyone. She feels that she belonged with him, and he with her.

But maybe what they had is meant to be temporary—real, true, and beautiful, but not meant to last. An escape from all the stress of being in the industry—the cliché secret love affair two young idols have. And with this secret romance comes the risk of being discovered, and Sunyoung knows it just had to end before it happened.

“Look...” Jinri presses once more,  “We all know you only broke up with Joonmyun- _oppa_  because you thought it was the right thing to do. You just said it a while ago. The rumors and the media, they would have brought the two of you down. But,  _unnie_ , you’re miserable without him. Just think about it, okay?”

Sunyoung is silent, her eyes closed, and finally, she nods. Deep down, she knows Jinri is right, but it doesn’t make hearing the words any easier, and she is heartbroken.

Jinri clears her throat, feeling the need to say something more, and Sunyoung ponders the younger girl’s wise words.

_Where there’s love, there’s always a way back._

That night, as she lies in bed with Jinri, she feels peace and warmth, secure in a tight embrace. For the first time in a while, she smiles in her sleep.

And at last, she understands.

 

* * *

 

_“Maybe… you and I aren’t meant for each other.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“It won’t happen, oppa.”_

_“It’s happening right now.”_

_“And that’s why we have to put an end to this, before it gets worse.”_

_“What are you talking about? Our relationship… we can just keep going, the way we were. No one has to know…”_

_“They already know.”_

_“What? Why are you doing this? Is it that maybe… you don’t feel that way after all?”_

_“No! I just—”_

_“Stay.”_

_“I can’t.”_

_“Can’t or won’t?”_

_“Both.”_

_“Sunyoung…”_

_“Look. I’m doing this for you. For us. Take care of yourself, oppa. Please be happy.”_

_“…”_

_“…”_

_“Is this what you really want?”_

_“Y-yes.”_

_“So it’s over. Just like that.”_

_“We could always be friends.”_

_“Of course.”_

 

* * *

 

Camera flashes, red carpets, and squealing fans surround them. Together with her members, she steps out of the car and smiles at the photographers poised to take their pictures. Not letting the sunshine smile leave her face, she walks down the carpet, waving cheerfully at the fans calling out their names.

As if by some force, she looks down at the end of the red carpet, and she catches sight of Joonmyun with his members, looking as handsome as always. Her throat catches up, and beside her Jinri places a comforting squeeze on her arm. She spends the rest of the evening in a daze, prompting Victoria to ask her if she’s all right, in which she can only nod blankly.

It is when she comes out of the ladies room after a break that she catches sight of him once more, now alone. She takes a deep breath— _it is now or never_ — before moving towards his direction.

He turns as the sound of her heels clicking against the floor fills the empty hallway, and when he sees her approach him he is nothing but stunned.

“Joonmyun- _oppa…_ ”

She stands in front of him, and for a while she struggles to find the right thing to say, before Sunyoung comes up with the most cliché of words, “We need to talk.”

 

* * *

 

Time appears to stretch much farther for the pair, the few seconds that pass seeming like a thousand eternities as they stand alone in EXO’s dressing room. His eyes scan her face, opening his mouth as if to say something before snapping it shut again, and she realizes that she should be the first to talk.

“I missed you,” she says, fighting back the growing bundle of nerves inside her. She wants to appear calm and composed, but even to her ears her voice is shaky and strained.

He sighs, a long and miserable sound, a sullen look on his handsome face. The emotion in her voice unnerves him, and he closes his eyes and rubs his face, his voice lowering.

“I… don’t think I can do this,” he mutters, his voice laced with apprehension, “This is a bad idea. Please, just go.”

Sunyoung swallows hard, as silence begins to consume them. She is afraid this will happen. He is still hurt, and he’s trying to shut her out, push her away. But no matter how hard he pushes, she will never walk away from him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she replies softly, and then she asks, “Why are you pushing me away?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” The words are out before he can even stop himself. Sunyoung winces, the words piercing through her like sharp, little arrows. But she stands her ground, her gaze unflinching as she shakes her head firmly, and she sees his eyes widen the littlest bit.

“Do you think all of this is easy for me?” He is speaking again, so quietly she almost doesn’t hear him, his voice constricted with emotion as he looks at her, as if challenging her.

Sunyoung inhales sharply, taken aback by the resentment in his words, focusing her eyes on him and smiling bitterly, before she replies, “I was a fool _._ I thought I was doing the right thing…”

“Is leaving me to fend for myself the right thing then? You didn’t even care—”

“You think I didn’t care?” she says, cutting him off harshly, and Joonmyun watches her for a moment as she struggles to control her emotions, “No! It’s because I cared too much…”

Her voice cracks, and so does her heart.

There is a long pause in which the two of them stand frozen, unable to say anything. Sunyoung looks at him for a lingering moment and sighs wistfully, lost in another time and place.

“I was so afraid. I wanted to protect myself, to protect you. Us. And I was afraid of hurting. I thought that maybe, _maybe_  if we ended it soon, then forgetting you would be so much easier… and then maybe it wouldn’t be so painful.”

His eyes narrows, his brows coming down into a state of confusion, as tears welled in her own.

“And I hate that I gave up on you, on us. I should have believed in you. I should have believed in us.”

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears.

“I never meant to hurt you. I just… didn’t know how to handle it. So I just ran away from it. But…” she says, before opening her eyes as she looks straight into his own, “I never stopped loving you…”

She trails off, her voice softening to a whisper.  She can feel his eyes on her, so intense she wonders if they can actually burn holes into her skin.

“Sunyoung…”

It is all he says, but that one word— her name— is uttered with such awe, understanding, and most of all,  _love_ , as the last of his defenses crumbles, and she is no longer able to hold back her tears.

He brings his thumb and forefinger to her chin and lifts her head to meet his gaze.

“I just wanted you to be happy,…” she says through her tears, and Joonmyun places a finger to her lips to silence her. He takes a deep breath, his eyes focused intently on hers, before replying, his voice soft.

“I was, because you were there with me. And now I am, because you’re here. But in between…”

She lets out a shaky breath, and abruptly tears mix with her laughter as he pulls her in his arms. She has missed him, so very,  _very_  much.

He crushes her soft body in his arms, feeling the shudders of relief that spread through her body, the hot tears that burn on his skin. As she cries, he whispers sweet words of comfort and hope. In his arms, they piece together the broken pieces of their hearts.

Carefully, he takes her face in his hands, placing warm, soft kisses on her eyelids. Slowly and just as softly, he kisses her tears down her cheeks, and when he reaches her lips, he keeps his kisses just as warm and tender and sweet.

He continues slowly, sprinkling soft, gentle kisses on her lips and her face until her tears cease. “I love you…” he says, “I should have never let you go.”

And with that, he covers her mouth with his once more, his kisses growing feverish and desperate, as his mouth ravishes her. He kisses her with all the passion and frustration he has felt during the past months for losing her and it feels so,  _so_  wonderful _._

They are so engulfed in the kiss, until Joonmyun decides to pull back, looking down at her with darkened eyes. He kisses her softly once more before breathing against her lips, “I’m not giving up on us this time.”

At this, a small smile spreads across her lips. He doesn’t smile back— an earnest look plastered on his face instead. But the feeling of his fingers wrapping around her own is all the reassurance she’ll ever need.

The future is uncertain, but they know one thing for sure. Whatever it holds, they will face it together.

 

_End._

**Author's Note:**

> \- originally written 26 November 2012 under **[crackshipper](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/100564)**  
>  \- companion piece to **[White Flag](http://archiveofourown.org/works/899296)**


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